Granted, we had some fun times
through the weeks we spent together
Laughing at jokes that didn't make sense
and making up stories to tell
But I guess I wasn't enough for you
Not enough to hold on to
Just something you could throw away
when the expiration date came around
I thought that maybe you loved me,
and every day I feel stupid for believing
the lies you kept on spewing out
which were exactly what I wanted to hear
But everything happens for a reason
although hard sometimes to find out what it is
I'll move on without you in my life
and I'll be better than I've ever been
without you
Sometimes, though, I wish things
could have been different
That your feelings for me were sincere
because I'd rather have known you from a distance
where your mask was still believable
than realize that you were not for real
Mistakes that we learn from
can still come back to haunt us;
Monsters in the dark sneaking back
to slash us once more across our chests
Then the white light floods my vision
and the monster melts away, revealing your face
with soft eyes that once gave me hope,
but now can only be seen in my nightmares
I thought my life was perfect
When you promised me eternal love
not knowing that to you,
forever was something temporary
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139,537 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
honestly stag you should really watch your language stag (i know i've already writen something like this but it might get him to
STOP swearing and say nice things instead of saying something like that)
Thanks, I took out the last stanza and added two more that I think relate more to the other ones
Hope it's better!
-Tony
I liked the poem. There were mistakes, yes but overall i think it was written well. My favorite part was:
Sometimes, though, I wish things
could have been different
That your feelings for me were sincere
because I'd rather have known you from a distance
where your mask was still believable
than realize that you were not for real
I have felt like that from time to time and can relate. The last line, to me, didn't fit with the rest of the poem.
wow your good at this magicman i liked the this bit But I guess I wasn't enough for youNot enough to hold on to what a intresting sentance that is and stag that was totally incalled for he put so much effort in this poem and you come over and say something like that how would you like it if you wrote something like this and someone comes over and writes something what you wrote
sure thing, if you want to, and OK I am calm now
First off: Calm down.
I liked this poem... it was nice and simple and it was pretty... and got to the point. Few errors as Xanthan and them said... but yes, nice... sorry nothing genereally critiquely... because... well, school bus is coming soon and I have to run, if I remember, (in my earlier phase I commented on about 1000 poems) I'll check back on this if you wish?
---Elizabeth
EXCUSE ME?
That was totally out of line! WHAT the heck are you doing?
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU REVIEW SOMETHING.
Their is no profanity on YWS! Are you some kind of jerk or something? People like you don't belong on this site!
GO AWAY AND GET A LIFE!
that is a doo doo poem so rubbish you have to quit because you are a b****
Watch your language. Like magicman said, this is an unacceptable critique/comment. Please refrain from cursing in your comments and leaving completely non-constructive, pointless comments in the future. Thanks.
~Areida
pretty good. just some minor mistakes:
spelling mistakes in here.
i think "that" should be changed to "which"
I like it, but i don't really understand the last verse.
[/quote]But these nights I lock my doors
for now I know you're kind all to well.
Before you my heart was open to all
who wanted a piece of my love.
Now I hesitate to break off a piece
because I just don't know who
to share with anymore.